I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize