Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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