they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Two words: blizzard sex
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
