Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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