I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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