I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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