i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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