no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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