Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
