Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
