She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
