New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
there is puke in my bra ... again
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