1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
