I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
