No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I am available for nakedness
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
