totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
