i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm too high and old for this...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize