I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
