Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
