Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
