She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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