I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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