so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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