That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
