I love black thongs
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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