This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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