why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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