mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
