it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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