she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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