He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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