My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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