Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize