I'm gonna have a badass scar
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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