Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
