I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
