i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
