And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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