Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
