Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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