I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
