I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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