If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
