She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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