I think scott just propositioned me for sex
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize