Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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