he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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