You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
