just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
