You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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