I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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