her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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