My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
