youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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