i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
