I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
