I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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