Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
