I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
