At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
