why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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