Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
