The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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