I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize