I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
