just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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