I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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