Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
