That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
