I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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