I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Watching her eat just hurts me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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